Have I learnt yet???

Thank you for your openness... sharing your deepest facts with me..... you know, lve been there....

Take your time....but can I ask just one thing? one favour? just one.....

that you DO accept you see me as you “sabse achaa dost”....and also as your Bhai”.....you know what...if thats true then i am really lucky....as there are very few who would get that kind of love...

as l tell you this l have lots of tears in my eyes and they are falling.... dont know why.....

l just know that that is the only mistake i can make now.....but i am helpless....i need to see the twilight..

so please, if someone offers you to cheer you up, accept that love and care....coz i am not sure if i would be there to do that...

l can say anything to you, but you may not hear....

l can hear from you: "Move on Niraj" or " Dont be a victim" or " there are so many things in life....

I did ask myself " Do you want love which isnt real, which isnt meant for you?"

" Dont be selfish.... love is not to take but to be given and to give......"

" so your happiness lies in having a partner in your life? you will make yourself DEPENDENT on something or someone else

in order to lead a happy life? you will allow yourself to be an IMCOMPLETE being without the love of a whom you wanted?"

l know you will not hear any of this now....

I want to stay in that dark place because it feels safe and comfortable....

its indeed a comfort zone to be in that pain.... and sadness.... eating you up..... and i don’t know how get out of it....perhaps i wont...

Have you been to the sea? have you been to the forest? and listen to the sound of the waves?

have you allowed the sound of the waves to cleanse you and heal you? or the smell of the woods give you peace?

..... and if you do you feel bit different..... if you dont manage, ask your friends to take you to the nature....

It took me 5 years... to learn to love myself as l am....

As i looked myself in the mirror...It asked me..., where is your smile? a smile is a crown on a person, you need to smile"...

see, l couldnt smile....

Little by little as l took distance from myself.....

But every time i tried...i would get stronger...dont know how...

so l had literally put myself into my grave and covered myself by MYSELF with dust untill l suffocated....

and then l had to dig myself out of my grave...... oke this is all how l felt, not literally.....

.... the bad example of making oneself dependent on someone.....anyone.....

and wanting love that isnt meant for you.....

you know.... till now l didnt know what is love, and when i realise........its not meant for me...

l have to learn to say NO...........

You see, ...l didnt see that it was not real love..... someone who doesnt hear me cry and feel my pain

but lives totally her ways.... that isnt love, but they all want warmth and love in return.... and this can never bring any party happiness....

I think thats why it is so important that you learn not to give yourself 100% till you know someone will marry you.

we have to learn to stay friends.... I also have to learn this......

this has taught me a great lesson........but have i learnt yet?????